Saturday, March 06, 2010


So proud to make you’re severe acquaintance. I am the most wise, arrogant, and truthful soothsayer in all of, of.... we, you know what I mean. If there is a kernel of truth to be found, I will find it. If there is a sooth to be said, I will say it. I am the smartest, tartest, and overall weirdest bird this world has ever seen.

I don’t speak much, but in times of dire need and in matters of utmost importance, I shake my feathers, climb out of my tree, and turn to help the needy. The needy, of course, are those in need of me.

I live in the deepest, darkest, dankest depths of the deepest, darkest, dankest depths of the Northern most part of the southern sector of the Western portion of the Eastern division of the most Central part of the state most commonly known as Afrikanistan. That’s why they call me the News department, or SNEW for short.

I Chose this place because of all the people that seek my worldwide wisdom and my high I. Q. You see, I have one ear pointed down to the ground, and another ear pointed straight to the sky. That way there;’s not anything that escapes my attention that to me is worth listening to. If I don’t know it, it ain’t worth it. To me.

No that I live in the deepest darkest dankest depths.........Aw, heck, you know where I live, not very many people come to visit me. I like it that way so I don’t have to solve all the problems of the world in the same day. But if anyone knows how to reach me, I’ll be more than glad to solve all their troubles to my satisfaction. Once there was a tiny elephant...... Never mind, you already know that story.

There was a famous fella, I forget his name. Nice little flea he was, too. Seemed like a bunch of bad guys wanted to beat him up. Oh, sorry. You know that one too.

The password for today is BROKEN COW. No, No, No! You humans are always expecting the worst. It’s not like that. A password is something you don’t want anyone else to know.

Wait. You still don’t’ get it. There’s no such thing as a broken cow. It has nothing to do with whether I want you to know it or not.

Take Iraq for example. I can’t use Iraq for a password because everybody knows it’s there. NO, NO, NO! I didn’t mean to say that George W. Bush dreamed up a password and called it Iraq in order for you to not know there was no such thing as Iraq. If Bush didn’t want you to know about Iraq, he would have given it another password, like BROKEN COW.

Wait a minute. There’s no such thing as a broken cow. Can we talk about Iraq? Can we talk about something else? But then with a password, something else is never something else. It’s just something different that was present before the password.

That’s why they call me the self-prescribed lawyer of the universe. I explain everything to my own satisfaction.

B C’an ya


................I could not bring my passions from a common spring........

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