LEROY TAKES LETTERS

LEROY TAKES LETTERS

Dear Leroy

What kind of general advice about life could you give me?

Farfel


Dear Farfel

What did you say your name was? Farfel? Farfle the dog? Like as in Kukla, Fran, and Ollie, THAT farfle? Which one was Farfle? Okay, grab a chair, any old chair and sit under it, class is in session.

No! Wait! Not that chair! That’s where Floo sits. In THAT chair! Never mind, why. But you don’t want to be around when he sits in THAT chair. Believe me. Man, that was close. That’s my number one, uno numero, primero number one, number two rule of life - NEVER, ever, under any circumstance sit under Floo’s chair.

Leroy


Dear Leroy

How can I tell if I’m really in love?

Signed: Confused


Dear Confused

By the time you’ve had six kids, you’ll know. If you don’t know by then, you probably never will.

Leroy


Dear Leroy

We already have six kids

Confused


Dear Confused

I think it’s time you got married and settled down

Leroy


Dear Leroy

We’re already married. We got married last month

Confused


Dear Confused

You have six kids. Love will manifest itself naturally, that way.

Leroy


Dear Leroy

But how can I tell if it’s really love?
Confused

Dear Confused

You have six kids and a wife. If you don’t know what love is by now, you don’t need me. You need a padded cell.

Leroy


Dear Leroy

What is your favorite song?

Wondering


Dear Wondering

It was the Cowabunga Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy from Company Three. It may not sound familiar to you. Here, let me hum a few few bars. Mmmmmmmmm. See? Good ain’t it?

Leroy


Dear Leroy

What ‘cha been up to?

Doofus


Dear Doofus

Eight foot seven, but I grew out of it. Seven foot five, but I fell out of that tree. I was up to three inches, but that was a couple months before I was born. I’m now five foot six, so five foot seven is up to me. What choo been up to?

Leroy


Dear Leroy

How you been?

An Admirer


Dear Ann

You need to work on your spellin. I been crazy, but I quit. They had too much padding on the walls. I been bad, but then I been good, too. Why you wanna know? Well, I been busted up, thrown up, scratched up, now I just watch T. V,. Come to think of it, I ain’t been nothin. The name’s Leroy.

Wanna hear my favorite song? I’ll sing it to you anyway. Goes like this: “Well the Lone Ranger and old Tonto rode the plains, catchin outlaws and puttin them in jail. But the Ranger shot ole Tonto cause it seems ---- That he found out what Kemosabe means.”

Leroy